March 25th is a date that has much significance for me. My niece Emma turned 13. My cousin Brian celebrated his 40th birthday. My idol, Sir Elton John, turned 65! Finally, it is the 29th anniversary of Michael Jackson’s famous Moonwalk dance.

On March 25, 1983 Mr. Jackson performed on the TV special Motown Turns 25 and during the song ‘Billie Jean’ the gloved one introduced the Moonwalk dance move and a legend was born. But I didn’t get a chance to watch the show. No, I had to attend a wedding reception at the Bayside Club in Southie and thus I missed one of the most entertaining moments in television history.

Granted it was one of the best weddings I ever attended. The party went on for hours, but it ended early for me when the bride (my wife) slammed a car door on her thumb.

Oh, I’m sorry, didn’t I mention that the wedding I had to attend was my own? The next day we spent our honeymoon in the ER of the old Floating Hospital with my new wife getting her thumb repaired and our son Christopher with a double-ear infection. We survived that night and have every night since for the last 29 years. Happy Anniversary, kid and I forgive you for making me miss the King of Pop’s coronation. It was well worth it.

January 19, 1:19 a.m
Officers were patrolling the Pope’s Hill neighborhood of Neponset when they observed a 29-year-old Roxbury idiot rolling a brand new tire down the street. As the officers approached, the tire thief threw three lug nuts to the ground. When asked what the hell he was up to, the thief responded that he took the tire off his own car and was discarding it. Never mind that it was 1:30 in the morning, in mid-January, miles from his home, and the tire he was discarding was a brand new $300 Yokahama wheel. Eventually a vehicle was found in front of 321 Neponset Ave., up on jacks with a tire missing. The scalawag was arrested for receiving stolen property.

February 15, 12:39 a.m.
A call was placed to 911 reporting a serious motor vehicle accident at 1353 Dorchester Ave. On arrival officers observed a Chevy van parked on the sidewalk on top of a downed street light pole. Behind the wheel, sleeping, was the van’s owner, a 42-year-old Cambridge man. He failed every sobriety test and was placed under arrest. He boozily asked why he was in custody and it was explained to him the circumstances that got him locked up included parking on top of the light pole; to which he exclaimed, “I did not crash, I meant to park that way!”

March 3, 2:34 a.m. and 2:50 a.m.
A Huron Circle man was awakened from his slumber by someone ringing his doorbell followed by loud noises coming from the side of his residence. When the man went to investigate he found a 33-year-old Dorchester junkie hanging halfway through a small side basement window. The struggling nitwit said, “Help me, I’m stuck!” I swear this is real. The suspect managed to free himself and flee on foot across Gallivan Boulevard.

Minutes later a call came in for a man breaking into a home on Richview Street about three blocks away. On arrival officers spoke to the homeowner, who stated that he investigated sounds from his kitchen and found a man running out his front door with some small electronics. The officers followed footprints in some freshly fallen snow from the home across the street and into the Cedar Grove Cemetery. Shortly thereafter a man was spotted climbing out of rear of the cemetery where he said he was just cutting through on his way to the Butler Street trolley stop, even though the station had closed three hours earlier.

After a pat down of the suspect, officers found the electronics taken in the second housebreak as well as some heroin. The funky junkie faces several charges.

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Tonight at Florian Hall, the C-11 Community Service office will have a team in the Trivia Contest to benefit Cops for Kids with Cancer and since I am a fountain of useless information I’m sure we will do very well. I’ll let you know. Till then, take care of yourselves.