With the threat of weapons of mass destruction (WMD), swine flu (H1N1) and sudden, acute respiratory syndrome (SARS), protect yourself by wearing the Biospheric Utility Body Buffer Living Envelope (BUBBLE). It protects against all environmental hazards.

Granted, wearing the BUBBLE can seem awkward, but once you get used to functioning in the BUBBLE, it provides a marvelous sense of security. The popular all terrain model is transparent, maneuverable, and once inside you can avoid any contact with the outside world.

The BUBBLE is equipped with protected slots through which you can reach your arms and legs for driving, cooking, cleaning, and dancing, should you choose to spend a night out on the town. Air is filtered through a lightweight backpack and food is served through a compartment equipped with a decontamination device that assures personal safety while preserving flavor.

Waste products are retained within the BUBBLE until they can be disposed of at home in the Protected Oxygen Treated Tank Yurt (POTTY) that comes free with every BUBBLE. Married couples may prefer the DOUBLE BUBBLE that allows for continuing intimacy between the parties who are hermetically sealed in a safe yet cozy environment.

It is difficult to describe the peace of mind and sense of freedom you will feel when you first slip into your BUBBLE knowing that all that dangerous stuff floating around in the atmosphere can’t get you. Your friends will immediately notice the change. That depressed, withdrawn, isolated person they knew is gone. Once inside the BUBBLE, worries disappear. Remember our slogan: “The real you comes out when you come in.”

Just think you never have to touch another human soul, and should the unthinkable happen and someone uses WMD, you can safely observe the destruction of mankind from your very own cocoon. Those who laughed when they first saw you in the BUBBLE, won’t be laughing then.

BUBBLES come in all sizes, shapes and models. For example, there is the jogger’s model that comes with built-in Nike running shoes. Or try the golfer’s model with the clubs inside. Boaters can have their BUBBLE equipped with an outboard engine. Get a pet BUBBLE for your dog or cat.

Be the first in your neighborhood to know the feeling of total safety you will experience in the BUBBLE. No more worries about communicable diseases, germ warfare, and chemical attacks.

There are a few safety precautions about which BUBBLE owners should be aware. Overinflating your unit could result in your floating into the outer atmosphere. Sharp objects should also be avoided. One Boston BUBBLE owner backed into a picket fence and was last seen flying over Block Island.

Be prepared for the unkind remarks of some of your friends and neighbors. Their derision will quickly turn to BUBBLE envy when the pandemic strikes.

Should the world manage to avoid catastrophe, the BUBBLE can easily be converted into a Tethered Environmental Nesting Tube – yes, you guessed it: a high-tech TENT.

James Dolan is a retired Dorchester District Court judge who now practices law.